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27 September 2012 @ 12:58 pm
War Journal Entry number 943 - Workin' in a coal mine.  
A relationship is not a job.

Oh, relationships need work. Even a stable relationship needs constant monitoring and work to keep it that way. Most trouble arises when partners have different ideas over how much work should be put into the relationship, but every single relationship requires effort. And people that aren’t willing to put in the effort for a relationship shouldn’t expect the rewards.

But what I mean is that people shouldn’t treat relationships like jobs.

Everyone needs a job. Just, flatly, that’s the way it is, everyone needs to have a job. Even someone that is independently wealthy needs to do something with their life, otherwise let’s just kick the fucker off a cliff and take their shit. Of course that means people may end up having jobs they don’t like and doing things they don’t want to do, but them’s the breaks. The good thing is that people have the option to look for a new job while still holding onto that crappy one to fulfill the need of having one.

Can you guess where this is going?

Firstly, people shouldn’t NEED a relationship. If they do, they are being unfair to themselves and anyone they are with. Yes, people should be happier in a relationship than they are out of one, and if they’re not then they have even more problems. But if someone is desperate for a relationship then they are going to end up taking what they can get, which probably isn’t going to be ideal. Everyone has that friend who has been in a string of crappy or even abusive relationships simply because they are afraid to be alone. And if someone is that driven with NEED for a relationship then it is most likely in an effort to find someone to fix them, which never ends well and puts an unreasonable amount of pressure on their partner.

Secondly, people shouldn’t remain in a relationship they don’t like while looking for a new one to replace it. That's fine for a job, but not so good with a relationship. It’s one thing for someone to be working out where they will live and how they will support themself before beaking it off, but it’s another thing to be hunting around for a relationship that they can immediately transition into. That typically ties back to the fear of being alone. And people really need to be comfortable with themselves.

Jobs can suck, but relationships shouldn’t.
Cavebabe24daphne24 on September 27th, 2012 05:54 pm (UTC)
Nicely put. I have an ex who always has the next person lined up before he breaks up with someone. It was quite something to be aware of that only after we broke up :)

But yeah, I would rather stay with someone - and vice versa - because I want to, not because I need to.